Likability isn’t an innate quality. You don’t need to have model looks, infinite wealth, or superstar status to become the coolest person in the room.
Our behavior is what makes us likable or unlikable. In other words, your actions determine whether people are attracted to your personality.
The traits that make us likable aren’t automatic. We have to cultivate them.
As such, we can become more likable by adapting our social habits.
Essential traits of likability
The following are the seven most essential behavioral aspects of likability. Once you master these, your likability will skyrocket.
Know the difference between confidence and arrogance
Self-confidence acts like a magnet around people.
In the words of Stephen Richards,
“Self-confidence is contagious.”
Believing in yourself – and knowing where life is taking you – builds attraction.
However, there is a fine line between believing in your strengths and becoming arrogant. In that same vein, sharing your knowledge will foster your likability, but acting like a teacher will make you look like a jerk.
Here’s where to draw the line: find out whether your experience and knowledge are helpful and sought-after in a given situation. If not, a confident person will remain silent, while an arrogant person will try to force their thoughts across.
To sum up, the better you create a gulf between natural self-confidence and artificial arrogance, the more likable you’ll become.
Listen – don’t just wait for others to finish talking
In our uber-connected, low attention-span world, genuine listeners have become a rarity.
Ask yourself, how often do you really listen to people? How frequently do you simply register a few words and then wait for them to stop talking?
The act of not listening is a combination of a low attention span and a lack of respect.
In contrast, once you make a conscious effort to listen, your interlocutor will notice. And the more people catch your listening effort, the more likable you’ll become.
Don’t get sucked into complaints and drama
Another essential trait of a super likable person is that they don’t jump on drama trains.
Simply put, they don’t get fired up for the sake of it. They can take jokes and don’t complain about every little insignificant detail.
Here’s a story on this topic. I once met up with a friend of mine in Kyiv, Ukraine. She is a Ukrainian dating coach. For clarity’s sake, we met a year before the 2022 invasion of Ukraine.
Her job was to teach mostly Western men how to meet and attract Ukrainian women. I asked her what the most common reasons for failure were.
Among others, she said that Westerners keep complaining about little things that Ukrainians (even before the War) found insignificant – like the speed of the waiter in a restaurant or the quality of tram seats. In the eyes of Ukrainians, complaining about such laughable problems makes you highly unlikable.
Long story short, becoming more likable entails being calm and not getting sucked into negativity by irrelevant banalities.
Reveal the right amount of information about yourself
In today’s world, it is customary to reveal a lot about ourselves. We share our daily lives on social media and post everything from our outfits to our mental health struggles.
Being open and vulnerable, however, doesn’t automatically make you likable.
The secret resides in sharing the right amount of information.
In this regard, authenticity is what can make or break your likability. If you are always vulnerable and fragile, you’ll become a burden. Conversely, if you never show any weaknesses, you become unrelatable.
Finding balance in terms of information sharing is the greatest challenge toward increasing your likability.
Don’t play the blame game
One of the most unlikable aspects of an individual is the inability to reflect on their own mistakes.
It’s not about being an eternal victim. It’s about calmly assessing which mishaps are due to bad luck and which result from your own decisions.
The most likable people accept their mistakes, learn from them, and don’t play blame games.
Attention comes naturally
Attention seekers are among the most unlikable people on this planet.
In the words of Nextbigdealclub,
“People are averse to those who are desperate for attention. […] When you speak in a friendly, confident, and concise manner, you will notice that people are much more attentive and persuadable than if you try to show them you’re important.”
In simple terms, the more you understand the difference between self-confidence and arrogance, the more you’ll attract attention naturally. Sharing the right amount of information also applies in this context.
And once you stop seeking attention, it will come naturally – raising your levels of likability tenfold.
The world isn’t black and white
Finally, being likable is also about having well-rounded world views.
The world isn’t black and white. If you preach extreme views – no matter the political direction, you’ll be highly unlikable in the eyes of most people.
Don’t get me wrong. Likable people aren’t sheep. They share their opinions and have something to add to any discussion – political or not.
The decisive point is that they accept other people’s views without antagonizing them.
In conclusion, the most surefire way to become a super likable person is to be able to have diverging opinions without attacking or outright ignoring the other person.
This article was originally posted on Medium
Useful links on 7 Essential Traits of Likability
- more in the category “Life”
- more under the topic “Personal Growth”
- Read 6 Essential Traits of People With a Strong Character